If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize