I accidentally burped into my bong.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
