We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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