At least make sure they are 18
Why
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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