I am puke
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
