he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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