margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
