why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize