so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
