While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
