I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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