Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
