Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
