actually, I'm a sock model
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
