Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
