At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
