i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
