btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
