i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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