I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
