who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
