I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
