She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
