That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
