All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
