That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
A+ Viking dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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