that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
