I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
