Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
