It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
