She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
