Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Randomize
