i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
PS: I just woke up from my shower
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
