he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I FOUND THE LEGS
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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