Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
