you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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