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We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize