just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
