He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
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