I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
