Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
