so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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