she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
