her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
whose ass print is on the piano?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
