You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
