Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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