so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My boob is missing a layer of skin
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
