the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
