fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
