Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
