i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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