You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
