She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
