She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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