if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
