just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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