I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
