No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
