I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
