I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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