im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
