I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
