Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
