Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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