In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
