But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
