I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my being single is dangerous.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
