took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
