I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
