she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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