It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I can't put those talents on a resume
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
We're hate flirting, damnit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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