friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
