on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
