i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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