Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
